Author Archives: sisterqueer

About sisterqueer

Likes to listen to Ani DiFranco while having sex with both Tegan and Sara while watching softball tournaments after building a table from scratch with tools and her bare hands.

The Dykes Likes: Shit Queer Grrrls Say

I know this “shit (insert a group of people) say” is definitely over, but could I share this, please? I think it’s the best one about queer women that I’ve seen thus far. Feel free to share your favorite videos (or opinions on how these videos have been problematic) in the comments!

“Why are straight dudes so ugly?”

 

Update: Shout out to Pink Smoke Over the Vatican in this video:

i’ve definitely said at least 80% of the things in this video. guilty as charged.

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The Dykes Likes: Alabama Shakes

Muffdivers!

I bet I know what you want today. I bet you want to impress that cute short-haired, tattooed chick who works at your local record store or maybe that adorable femme from your Bible study who has the Belle and Sebastian button on her backpack . Well, I have just the thing. Have you heard of the Alabama Shakes?

this could be you.

They’re just the name you need to drop to impress the freckles off of your latest musically-inclined crush. If you haven’t heard of them before, then good! That means that the Shakes are your ticket to sounding like you go to SXSW every year and own a vintage turntable. They’re what’s hot and new in the realm of music. In fact, Paste Magazine recently named them the  2011 New Band of the Year.

check them out.

The Dykes are in favor of Alabama Shakes not only because they have a badass retro soul/rock sound, but because of their rockin’ lady on lead vocals. Her voice is fuckin’ dreamy, people. It will make your panties drop faster than you can say “hail holy queen”.

As Paste put it: “At some point, God decided to take the voices of Janis Joplin, Robert Plant and Tina Turner and roll them all up into the body of Brittany Howard.”

So what will be better than to introduce your ladylove to that? Seriously, she was compared to Janis Joplin.

enough said.

Yep, this is a win-win, babes.

Just an FYI: they have only put out a 4 song EP (check it out at their bandcamp site) so don’t go pretending like they have a bunch of albums out and you own each one of them – although the LP is well on its way (or so I hear).

And for the love of the Lady, watch this.

(hot, right?)

Finally, if your girl is a bona fide hipster make sure that you say something to the effect of, “yeah, I totally listened to them before they got big”. Oh and double points if she’s from the South or has some inexplicable affinity for Southern folk.

Go shake it up! Godspeed, gays.


This Dyke and Her Good Catholic Mom

Well, queers, it’s Pride season and like any other good Catholic dyke I’ve been hitting the town (although not quite as hard as the Lady, aka the Almighty, might like, but hey, we do our best). My most recent bout around town was a trip to the local dyke watering hole; which here in DC we lovingly refer to it as ‘The Phase’.  In true L word fashion, the Phase was hosting a jello wrestling competition (read: an excuse to charge a $10 cover so a bunch of lezzies can watch scantily clad women rolling on top of one another in a bunch of  liquid) in honor of Pride month.

Fellow dykes, I must say that this was quite the treat. In fact, I’d personally like to give a special shout out to Mary, Mother of God and Queen of Heaven. I’m pretty sure she took a good ‘ol look at my Rosary account and, upon noticing that I have amassed a sizeable amount of Hail Marys, decided she would let me cash in by giving me a front row seat to the babe-on-babe fest. Amen.

Now, I’m sure ya’ll are expecting video clips and/or photos with prime shots of the lady action, but that won’t be happening because I simply don’t have those. I’m much too respectful of boundaries and too sensitive as a feminist to exploit women at that level. I, also, don’t own a fancy phone with quality picture takin’ capabilities (and I might’ve left the jello wrestling event a tad early in order to pursue my ladycrush who was waiting in line outside of the bar, so…)

Moving on to the actual point of this entry: why my mother is hilarious.

As I was wandering the streets of the city before my night of debauchery, I made a phone call to my beloved, unsuspecting parents. It went a little something like this:

(for the sake of my anonymity, let’s pretend my name is something really Catholic like Agnes and that my dad’s name is Joseph)

Me: Yo, mama, what’s going on?

Mother: Hello, Agnes, what are you up to tonight?

Me: Um, going to meet up with some friends at…a bar.

Mother: Oh, that sounds like fun.

Me: (inner dialogue: eh, what the fuck, why not?) Yeah, actually it’s a lesbian bar. They are hosting a jello wrestling tournament tonight in honor of it being Pride and all.

Mother: Oh. Well, that sounds interesting.

Me: I’m pretty pumped it should be a good time, I hope.

Mother: Oh, Agnes, you are a character. Actually, you know I just don’t see how that could be interesting. I mean, I understand going out to the bar, but I just don’t get the wrestling thing.

Me: I think there’s a distinct possibility that it will be interesting, Mom.

Mother: How is that interesting?

Me: Could you ask Dad if he thinks watching women in underwear wrestling each other in a pool of jello would be interesting?

Mother: Calls to my father: Joe! Joe! Agnes wants to know what you think about women wrestling in jello. Why don’t you just talk to her yourself? Tries to give my father the phone.

Me: cringes while imagining discussing practically naked women with her father (inner dialogue: please, please, don’t take the phone, dad. PLEASE.)

Mother: Well, he just won’t take the phone. I guess that could be fine, Agnes. I just don’t think I would like watching men wrestling each other.

Me: Hm, really?

Mother: You and your sister are just opening me up to all sorts of things. I am just learning so much.

Me: I hope that’s a good thing?

Mother: Yeah, well, sure. I guess it might be. Sure.

Ladygays, my beautiful Midwestern Catholic (once Southern and Protestant before her imminent conversion and homecoming to Holy Mother Church) mother:

a) couldn’t fathom what could possibly be interesting about women wrestling each other and

b) wanted to me to have an actual conversation with my father about it.

Yikes, dykes. Yikes. Counting my blessings and doing a sign of the cross accompanied by a chorus of sighs of relief. Thank the Lady for my father’s discretion.

That’s all I have for now, folks. This sisterqueer hopes that you might have such a conversation with your parents someday. Good luck with all future endeavors of this nature and feel free to ask us GCDs for advice when needed.

Happy Pride, ya’ll!

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