Category Archives: The Dykes Likes

The Dykes Likes: Shit Queer Grrrls Say

I know this “shit (insert a group of people) say” is definitely over, but could I share this, please? I think it’s the best one about queer women that I’ve seen thus far. Feel free to share your favorite videos (or opinions on how these videos have been problematic) in the comments!

“Why are straight dudes so ugly?”

 

Update: Shout out to Pink Smoke Over the Vatican in this video:

i’ve definitely said at least 80% of the things in this video. guilty as charged.


The Dykes Likes: Alabama Shakes

Muffdivers!

I bet I know what you want today. I bet you want to impress that cute short-haired, tattooed chick who works at your local record store or maybe that adorable femme from your Bible study who has the Belle and Sebastian button on her backpack . Well, I have just the thing. Have you heard of the Alabama Shakes?

this could be you.

They’re just the name you need to drop to impress the freckles off of your latest musically-inclined crush. If you haven’t heard of them before, then good! That means that the Shakes are your ticket to sounding like you go to SXSW every year and own a vintage turntable. They’re what’s hot and new in the realm of music. In fact, Paste Magazine recently named them the  2011 New Band of the Year.

check them out.

The Dykes are in favor of Alabama Shakes not only because they have a badass retro soul/rock sound, but because of their rockin’ lady on lead vocals. Her voice is fuckin’ dreamy, people. It will make your panties drop faster than you can say “hail holy queen”.

As Paste put it: “At some point, God decided to take the voices of Janis Joplin, Robert Plant and Tina Turner and roll them all up into the body of Brittany Howard.”

So what will be better than to introduce your ladylove to that? Seriously, she was compared to Janis Joplin.

enough said.

Yep, this is a win-win, babes.

Just an FYI: they have only put out a 4 song EP (check it out at their bandcamp site) so don’t go pretending like they have a bunch of albums out and you own each one of them – although the LP is well on its way (or so I hear).

And for the love of the Lady, watch this.

(hot, right?)

Finally, if your girl is a bona fide hipster make sure that you say something to the effect of, “yeah, I totally listened to them before they got big”. Oh and double points if she’s from the South or has some inexplicable affinity for Southern folk.

Go shake it up! Godspeed, gays.


The Dykes Likes: Happy Accidents

Oh, dykes, it’s been ages since our last post. Oh, how we’ve missed you. And how you, no doubt, have missed us in return. But let’s shut up about it! We got bigger fish to fry (forgive the cliche, but any blog devoted to Catholicism and dykeness must contain the occasional fish reference). Jane Lynch wrote a book, and we like it.

In Happy Accidents, Jane Lynch’s bestselling new memoir, Lynch tells tales of childhood, Catholic school, the closet, improv theater, alcoholism, Harrison Ford, Christopher Guest, Glee, and marriage to a lovely Southern lady by the name of Lara Embry. Lynch’s book is not always laugh-out-loud funny but contains plenty of wonderful, self-deprecating wit, and it’s serious but does not take itself too seriously. What a lady that Jane Lynch is!

There’s a lot to like about Happy Accidents, and while I think it would be relatable for just about anyone, it does have special resonance for gay ladies. Or it did for me. Because, you see, Jane Lynch was once a little closeted, red state gay girl not unlike I was, wanting to play football and wear neckties, terrified of admitting–of anyone finding out–that she was definitely, definitely gay.

And then there’s the Catholic-ness. My personal favorite anecdote in the entire book involves Jane’s cutting class with best friend Chris (also gay, also closeted, also a student at St. Jude’s) on Ash Wednesday to go to the Chicken Unlimited, where they ate fries, drank cokes, and smeared cigarette ashes on one another’s foreheads.

There is plenty more, of course. Lynch digs up her adolescent scrapbook, in which she had labeled pictures of Happy Days-era Ronny Howard and Anson Williams with the words, “Foxy,” and “Pretty Good Foxy,” respectively, and writes of being “delighted to find [the scrapbook] was a proud monument to absolute mediocrity.” I hope that someday, I shall look back and say the same of this very blog.


The Dykes Likes: Andrea Gibson

Okay, just watch this:

Yep. She’s a dyke. And we like her. And guess what? She grew up Catholic. Oh, the sweetness of these discoveries, dykes. The sweetness.

But, seriously. Andrea Gibson is necessary. If you’ve heard her words before, thank The Lady. If this has been an introduction, you’re welcome.

Her words blow open the doors of all the crowded chambers of patriarchy, gender norms, oppressive political structures, love and on and on. Spend some time with her poems, as many and as often as you can. Sooner than later, the worlds inside will grow. If nothing else (and certainly, there is much else), her poems are empowering proof that “We have to create. It is the only thing louder than destruction. It is the only chance the bars are gonna break.” Listen to Yellowbird. It’s been a true poem each time I’ve heard it.

And for an ode to our kneecaps, and letting our bodies love what they love, here’s a new one:

That’s all I’ve got. She speaks for herself. Enjoy.


The Dykes Likes: Cold Cream

Happy Memorial Day, dykes! Let’s talk about your face.

As you may already realize, I often appreciate menswear and men’s products, in large part, because of their timelessness. Often with men’s products, the high-quality classic is preferred to the fashionable but disposable. Unfortunately, women’s clothing and beauty products tend not to follow this pattern; the quality, in my opinion, tends to be lower, and the fashions change more rapidly. There aren’t many iconic products for ladies.

But there’s cold cream.

Ponds Cold Cream Ad 1935

Cold cream has existed for almost 2,000 years. Am I making shit up? No, dykes, I am not. According to Wikipedia, font of all wisdom, cold cream was invented by the second century Greek physician, Galen. Mind you, the second century was also the hey-day of early Christian theology, the era of Justin Martyr, Polycarp, Irenaeus, and Tertullian, and some of the more influential heretics. I’m not saying the two are related. I’m not saying they’re not.

More recently, your grandmother used cold cream. She used it for everything. It was her make-up remover, her facial cleanser, her moisturizer, her lotion, her sunburn relief. Not to mention that French ladies—who, frankly, know what’s up when it comes to looking good and aging well—are all about the face cream. Cold cream is particularly helpful if you live in a cold, dry climate, and it’s probably better-suited to dry than oily skin. A 9.5 oz tub of cold cream cost me about five bucks when I bought it ten months ago, and I’ve still got half a tub left. Speaking of which, have we talked about how much I love it when things come in tubs? Really I do.

Now about brands. I bought the CVS store brand because it was cheaper. Pond’s is the iconic brand, but according to a bunch of angry ladies on the interwebs, Ponds changed the formula. Interestingly, a number of those ladies recommend the CVS brand, as it contains only the traditional ingredients. I compared labels the last time I graced the face aisle at my local CVS branch, and this appears to be true. CVS brand cold cream contains: mineral, oil, water, beeswax, ceresin, sodium borate, fragrance, and carbomer. I don’t remember what all was in the Pond’s, but it had some extra crap with lots of i’s, o’s, and unusual consonant combinations. Which isn’t necessarily bad—some people still love Pond’s, and what the hell do I know, Pond’s may have changed it up for a reason. But either way, my understanding is that CVS brand is closer to the original formula.

How to Use It

Scoop some cold cream with your finger, smooth it over your face, and massage your face with your fingertips. Then wipe it off with tissues or a warm washcloth. Done.

Trivia

Q: In the 1991 movie Bingowhich I loved in kindergarten but in retrospect actually I think it was an awful movie–what does Bingo the runaway circus dog like to eat?

Bingo Movie Poster

A: Cold cream.

Cold cream, ladies. It’s simple, iconic, and economical—everything a good Catholic dyke would love.